i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
