i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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