you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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