I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
