flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
