Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
