what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.