can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sarcasm needs its own font
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!