I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?