Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..