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connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
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