Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
