then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
