ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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