and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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