Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
