I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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