omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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