My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
