Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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