please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
