I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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