I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
