someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
