I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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