it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
