There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
