Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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