Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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