Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
