just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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