So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is it because I queefed?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
