New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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