Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
