I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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