I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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