you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
