yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
