he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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