people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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