I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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