My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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