don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
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You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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