Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
