He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
