imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
