Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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