her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
