how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
COCAINE IS GR8
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
