Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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