Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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