Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
