I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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