should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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