we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize