yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
