I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
