my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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