Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
