why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
