Jerry, you need to find god
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
