I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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