I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
