It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
