pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm always down for nudity.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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