I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
