now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
