Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
