He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
