he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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