i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
