okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
