can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
